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Grr Arrg

Letter to Wells Fargo

Dear Wells Fargo,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! 

Ok, what's the deal?  I give you money and all I ask is that you hold it and let me know if something weird happens.  You don't even have to pay me interest or anything complex like that.  I call you before I leave the state so that when you see a charge from Oklahoma you don't freak.  Wouldn't it stand to reason, I'd let you know if I left the country?  So, no, I did not initiate a charge at a gas station in Austin at 2pm and then at 2:15pm initiate another charge at a gas station in Canada...on the same card.  What kind of sense does that make?  You have a heart attack and warn me when I use my card after not using it for like a week, but this flies under your radar? 

*foot stomp*

I jumped through your hoops and you were gracious enough to reverse the fraudulent charges, but warn me that if you have to issue another card, that I'll be charged.  Ok, Thieves, don't steal my identity again, because my bank can't afford the $.02 to issue me another card, so they're going to charge me $10.00.  That's not cool, so please leave my identity alone, kthxbai.  Yeah, I don't see that working.  But apparently it's my fault if someone gets my bank account number a second time in the life span of my bank account...which is probably getting shorter as this letter continues.  Grrr. 

Oh, so it's now been a week...charges are finally reversed, but what's this, you left the overdraft fee on my connected overdraft protection credit card.  Ok, maybe it was an oversight, so I called the number on the card.  Wait, you can't take care of it even though you can see the information on the fraud case, unless you hear from a banker?!?  You're the same stinking company!!!  Security purposes?  Ugh!  Yes, I hacked into your system risking big and scary jail time to put the fraud information in my case file so I could get my $12.50 back.  Risking fines of hundreds of thousands of dollars, outlandish legal fees, and jail time all for $12.50....makes perfect sense.  Ok, so why don't you call over to the checking bankers and get permission...you don't do that?!?  Why?  Would that cross the line into "Helpful" or would it be too streamlined?  Ok, fine, transfer me and give me the number.

OK, disconnected, expected that.  WTF!  Disconnected three times with that number.  I'll call customer service.  Yes, I need to talk to someone in fraud.  Yes, please transfer me.  Disconnected.  Call back.  Disconnected.   WTF!!!   I will foil your system.  I'll call your sales line.  No you may not transfer me.  No.  I said no!  Because the last five attempts have ended badly and if it happens again, I will destroy my phone and it belongs to my office so that might be bad.  Yes, I'll HOLD while you conference someone in. 

Hello.  Yes, this is the whole story for the 20-millionth time.  Yes, it's exactly as you see it written in my account notes.  Thank you so much for taking care of that.  What? You don't have to call the credit card people because you can take care of it right there?!?  Mother-f%&$#^%-pussbucket!!!!!  Thank you.  No, I don't need account protection.  No, I don't.  I know you protect my account if I become unemployed and wipe out the debt if I die (which happens anyway, but whatev).  No, seriously.  Yes, I know I don't know what life might have in store.  No, I still don't want it.  Fine, I'll listen to the girl's spiel.  Yes, transfer me.  !)#@%*!%&(()*$&$%*&^!!!! 

Miss, before you start,....Miss...Miss...I know, but Miss...>>sigh<<<...Yes, I know accidents can happen when we least expect them.  I could get a paper cut on the job and die of a staph infection...no, I'm not being rude, it totally happens...yes, ma'am, I'm listening, but I don't need this and I told the gentleman who transferred me anyway.  Hello?

So, I think we need to work on our communication.  You learn to communicate and listen and we'll get along much better.

Sincerely,
Me
THE CUSTOMER

+++
Quote of the Day:
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

~Blue Skies~

Comments

I won't bore you (or rather myself) with the gory details of my last Wells Fargo "customer service) experience, but suffice it to say, I don't refer to them as Wells Fuckup for no good reason.