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Inspecting the inside of my eyelids

Letter to Robert Pattinson (or to my brain)

Dear Mr. Pattinson,

First, let me thank you.  Last night was pleasant, and please, if you would like to be a guest in my dreams, you have an open invitation.  I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I did.  I would like to take the opportunity to apologize for a number of things and make a request.

First, I hope it wasn't too messy.  I tend to jump around in my dreams pretty frequently without bothering to tidy up between scenes, time periods, and realities and from one night to the next.  I'm, honestly, somewhat surprised at the lack of clutter apparent last night, but find what was present to be somewhat embarrassing.  I make a much better impression when I can anticipate entertaining.

Second, I apologize for, at one point, appearing in my bedroom attire.  While it was far from risque, it was definitely inappropriate for our level of acquaintance.  I hope my later appearance in, sequentially, a business suit, a whale costume, and an evening gown compensated for whatever impropriety was inherent in meeting you in my penguin pajamas and Kermit slippers.  I am thankful, however, that I do not sleep in rollers or a facial mask, but am somewhat disconcerted that my hair kept changing lengths during the course of our night together.  I would like to thank you for your professionalism and courtesy in refraining from remarking on my unconventional attire and my rebellious locks.

Third, I apologize for the abrupt changes of scenery beyond my appearance.  It was really enough to make those unaccustomed to being in my dreams motion sick at best and psychotic at worst.  The switch from a riverside meadow to a mountaintop valley was drastic enough, but lovely, but to further move into a crowded department store, a stuffy garage, a trampoline at noon in someone's backyard overrun with toys, and end in the gentle light of twilight in my bedroom was a bit unnerving, even for me.  I take this moment to congratulate you on maintaining your composure and your latest meal with apparent ease and confidence.  The twisting lights and changes in atmosphere would have shaken one of less stern constitution. 

Finally, a request.  Please, in future forays into my dreamworld, do not bring an entire acting class.  I'd really rather you did not bring an acting coach either.  I'd rather our association in my dreams be more fantasy-like and less professional and productive.  I prefer our conversation and focus to be on subjects of a more whimsical variety which personally interest us.  The scene we worked incessantly through setting and costume changes (for me) was exceedingly dull.  There are really only so many ways to portray a sales girl discussing the virtues of one pair of boxers over two others with a customer before it becomes repetitious. 

Again, it was lovely spending time with you last night and I do believe I benefited from working with you, regardless of my opinion of the material.  I hope that in future meetings we can discuss more pleasant topics and perhaps engage in more pleasant activities in much more slowly transitioning scenes.  For my part, I will make an effort to select one ensemble and remain in it for the duration of our visit.  Do take care and I hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,
Me

*****
Quote of the Day:
Up until I was 12 my sisters used to dress me up as a girl and introduce me as 'Claudia'! Twelve was a turning point as I moved to a mixed school and then I became cool and discovered hair gel.
~Robert Pattinson

Comments

Bravo! I read that twice. It was that entertaining.
I am SO SAD I'm not at home to gush with you about this dream.